when the dawn held me in
colours of honey and sweet lavender
such a sweet embrace
when those words reached out to me
destiny love order rightness belonging safety
such promises
that we are here and still here and being here is where
we are supposed to be
to fully express who and what we are
it is still possible, today
too long ago
running on empty now
confronted with nothing but myself
karma from the past interupting dharma
courage is not trying but after failing
to return
to the page that is dripping red
courage
to embrace the feedback like embracing a rabid dog
i could kill myself a hundered times
but it would do no good
except perhaps i already am
every time i
turn
away.
promise: recovery and discovery
but i didn't want to discover this
didn't want this 'feedback'
this aching fear
that what i shall discover
is unredeemable.
surely these moments
are hell
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