Thursday, March 10, 2011

old again new again

here again here again the fear is here again
i built a house of straw
and then showed the wolves the secret way in
they didn't even have to
mighty huffs and puffs
to blow it down.

here again, here again the fear is here again
because now it matters
what i say of myself
now that you are gone
somehow
it matters more
what i say to myself
without your comfort
the responsibility of it
of the weight of myself

body: hips and ribs and breasts
emerging
i might as well be 17 again
for all that i don't know my own self
stare at the sky stare at the mirror
underneath the skin, oh blue
for all the sun and the slow spring
stirs the quickening in me
i might as well be 23 again
unsure of everything countered with
blind confidence
- i don't know its not possible

new-old body
new-old single-ton
coming into the bed alone again
(but tonight you won't be joining me later on)
is it the same flowers on the same tree
no the flowers are different
the year is different
it has not yet been spring this year
the tree has not yet blossomed this year
what you remember
was before
before this year
that flower
on that tree
has never
before bloomed.

lost amidst the pattern repetition
even as i'm carving new lanterns
destroying and reforming
breaking down and building up
going in and going out
cycle circle spiral climb
the ladder
the dna holds only 4 amino acids
and an infinite number of possibilities
let me work my way up
build up a house of earthy-brick
up to this new creation
again

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