(all good work is always a blessing
even if you let it go)
it came only after i had let it go
after i knew i didn't have to say yes
after i knew it wouldn't necessarily say yes
to me
and mine.
when the blessing came
it came reasonably
gently
not too much and not too little
just - where it is
when the blessing came
i shook to my knees and fell against the warm brick wall
where the sun had recently been shining
sholdures fell down
relaxation entered
and i
was reminded
of where i come from.
not the first place the
good place
the
garden
where i and my cabbage patch kid
put yellow plastic shovels into thick dirt
and pretended
we were digging weeds
but really
saught the brightness of an orange carrot
not yet fully grown
but the other place
where i have spent too much time
the place of hiding
where i am not myself
but that other one
safe in her misery
fears uncertainty
pattern repettion
along the sinews of muscles ain the top of hte sholdures
you don't even realise
you are holding yourself
until you breath
until
the blessing comes
and you are breathed
through and through.
they say
practice
an attitude of gratitude.
Such a silly phrase.
But he said to me
when i told him the good news
do two things.
1. Say thank you to god.
2. Do something good for yourself.
Yes
I said
Yes
and still now yes again
The attitude of gratitude:
Not to some vagueness
some amorphous 'we are all loved'
But to the particularities
of this day.
thank you, oh blessed one
for this.
for blessings
that i do not yet see.
the first was easy.
the second - i find it here
on the page
resting
in that space
(where gratitude comes with
each breath
when it is pulled from me
when i find that it is i
who am being breathed
effortlessly -
life-work can be effortless, it can be - free)
that sweet space
i am coming to love -
it is
so much like that
garden
only now i
am learning to treasure waiting
as my carrots
grow
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